Sex , Drugs - and a little light jazz: Polar Bears

Sex , Drugs - and a little light jazz: Polar Bears

While we slept

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I have kept quiet for the last few days and just watched and listened as the events in the UK have unfolded .rioting - maybe , Arson , murder for sure, robbery , theft , assaults , criminal damage ,these are genuine offences committed on the streets in just about all the English cities .So what the fuck are the police and politicians talking about ?A riot ,  is just that , a riot , look up the definition , public disorder , what does that mean ? What we have is a complete breakdown of social order . The police can execute somebody on the street , and get away with it ,the political classes can commit serious offences and the old chestnut ," not in the public interest " comes into play , so theft , corruption , murder is okay for the police , MPs and journalists - get the idea , us and them, a division in society - so screw you . imprisoning an 11yr old girl , acceptable ?no of course not . To me living outside of Britain , the country of my birth ,it has gone to far .I would not be writing this if I felt there was no solution , so why not disband the MET and replace it with 4  forces under the command of chief constables   london is to big for a single force , and it would remove the political control of the home office , each area would be policed to it's needs .Get rid of the police complaints cock up , the police pay ten's of millions out of our taxes in compensation - if a constable sticks a truncheon up your ass , and you complain ,you get any charges dropped ,the officer keeps his job and you get a few quid , and of course a sore arse . This really happened , check it out .So put a judge in charge and allow chief constables to fire officers . Better training for the police would help .                                                                                          A free press is essential , and I mean free , no restrictions , report on anything , but if a journalist breaks the law prosecutions must follow , and if the media he or she works for has instigated the crime they must be shut down , after-all they are commercial enterprises .There must be a way to fire bent politicians from the prime minister down and again Judges must play apart as the legal safe guards of our society .Thank you for reading my rant , we are all to blame one way or another? we have been asleep while the lunatics have taken over the asylum . 

While it rains

 Top Gears car of the year

I love movies , no particular genre  , movies in general - Tv is okay but I reserve my viewing time to the news the  arts and the odd documentary - until now . Television has got better , okay soaps and reality Tv aside there are some great shows , some American some British , NCIS -great , Lewis , Dr Who and a show called Warehouse 13 ,and another thing some of the hottest women I have ever seen are now on the telly  . So I have bought a big un and screwed it to the wall , tonight it's Top Gear ,can't wait , via free view of course , French Tv is rubbish .    

Sex , Drugs - and a little light jazz: Lois B D'Mille

Sex , Drugs - and a little light jazz: Lois B D'Mille

Lois B D'Mille

I am a simple soul entertained very easily - but not as easily as my partner , so putting the dogs ball in her trainer and filming his attempt to retrieve it had her in stitches ,me ,I would have stuck the ball in the trainer -the trainer up her ass and let the dog film her getting it out . 

Bourbriac

 It's raining - again , we always had planned to move south perhaps Provence or Nice but it's not so easy when you become routed to one place , in our case Bourbriac .Not a particularly special village , the usual medieval church , bars ,bread shop, vets, doctors dentist chemist etc.But for the time being  -Home . 

It's my hair !

I am 56years old 18st and 6ft 1in , I drive a Bmw M5 and dress in shorts and tee shirts so I am officially a dick , I believe I am entitled to have a pony tail , most dicks have a pony tale so why not me ?  

Sex politics and food

Sex , you get fucked one way or another , politics , someone fucks you , so that leaves food .  Some bloke calling himself Guido Fawkes has a blog and as far as I can make out he would like to hang people , not anyone of course,just  people who kill coppers and pedos , hopefully foreign pedos who kill coppers , so would I like to invite him to dinner , of course bloody not who wants to eat with a shit-head , but what if you were forced to , I mean at gunpoint ,what would you serve? I have no idea' but , I will tell you for a fact he wouldn't be getting any cake .   

Why me ?

I have tried to live a moral life , kind and generous to those less fortunate than myself , I have even on occasion allowed the stinking little bastard the rest of my family refer to as our dog to share my dinner and my right leg . So why in the name of all that's holy have I ended up with a woman whose hamster spends most of the day staring into empty space .Take today for instance , after leaving her passport in a photocopier she attempts to retrieve it by ringing the office 7 times to inform them that she will be returning to collect it ,she was surprised to find that no one was answering the phone and her calls were being diverted to the answer phone , 7 times  , our own answer phone now has 7 messages , she was ringing herself  !!!.                       
            We have a very nice car ,a hand built Bmw M5 it's very quick and bristles with electronics , the only bit of the car she has anything to do with is a gadget that holds her tablet , it swivels in any direction and can be adjusted to any hight , very easy to use ,you just place the tablet in the grips, pull down one lever to tighten it - gently , and lock it in , very simple and one day I am sure she will master it .  

When is a salad not a salad ?

It has been warm for three days so naturally salad is on the menu ,tomato , lettuce ,cucumber and spring onion . here in France salad is used to mop up anything left on the plate along with a piece of cheese , it's a lettuce leaf , weird huh , salad just lettuce ! So it's with great joy that my partner has discovered the art of mixing sweet and savoury , after all spinach is better than lettuce , segments of orange , dates ,a few nuts sprinkled on top , dressings made with honey , charcoal grilled chicken breasts , fresh baked bread ,and the great thing is you can eat it anywhere . Of course the rain has returned , does one salad make a summer?    

Mine's a double

Due to an unfortunate problem with my liver I no longer drink wine , I sometimes have a large scotch in the evenings or in coffee , but wine is a no no , which is a real strain considering how cheap a good bottle is here , so it was a blessing when I found an alternative , cheese burgers , I still have to drink the same old soft drinks and some incredible rubbish called water but at least I can wash it down with a double cheese or a quarter pounder with a chaser of fry s - job done .     

Don't leave home without one

I moved to Brittany 10 years ago because to be honest I got fed up of living in a country that collected extra taxes by criminalising just about everything you do , " excuse me sir do you know why we stopped you " , " no" , " Well to be honest sir you are driving in a manner that is offensive , here is your bill for £80 , have a nice day sucker !!!! "

• To be honest my French is not so good , but I smile well , eat anything and have mastered the Gallic shrug . There are down sides and as soon as I have figured out what they are I will let you know. Ever had coleslaw with chopped dates ? , sorry I got ahead of myself , my partner has become a very good cook and from time to time I will include some of her best recipes as well as some of the best places to visit , not the usual tourist traps- but the places the locals go , if you like to gambol , drink and shop there is no place better, this is were the Parisians come on vacation.

Don't try this at home

I secretly filmed the French Air force , very worrying , they seem to have an air-plane , 1 more than the RAF !!! 

Breton Culture , a review

                        Victoria practising her dog act

Here in Brittany we have a lot of local theatres catering for all tastes ,except mine . So I was thrilled to get tickets to something a little unusual , a venue specialising in good old fashioned family entertainment something sadly missing in today's fast moving instant fame competitive society , so , all dressed in my best ,in fact my only suit ,circa 1980's I set off on the short journey on what I hoped would be a night to remember , I arrived promptly at 7.30 and was shown to my plush velour seat , the house was packed, standing room only , and for good reason -the first act pro-missed to be an emotional return to the stage of a much loved local midget mime artist who had sadly been badly injured in the riot that had ensued when he was spotted miming to the Marseillaise. Now a paraplegic he still had the old magic ,his attempt to mime a tall man hopping for a bus was brave and people were openly weeping , he left the stage with the audience showing solidarity by miming applause . The main act of the evening was to be a cultural extravaganza ,a genuine display of Breton throat yodelling performed by local legend madame Yvette a reformed prostitute who discovered her talent one Saturday night gagging on her eighth customer while competing in a blowathon with her sister , it is rumoured that she occasionally returns to her old profession ,for lubrication purposes only ,a slave to her art ,I must say she went down very well ! It was a truly magical evening and I managed to video the whole show and will be uploading it for your pleasure shortly .

Hunger is relative

My teddy bear sold yesterdays dinner to the dog for 6p , so I am eating the meal i should of eaten yesterday, today , so I have learned something , I should never trust my teddy bear and drink less Scotch

I really miss cross dressing Vicars

Nobody did it better , no, not James Bond , James Murdock ,or to be precise the News of the World , excuse the pun ,get it ? News of the World - precise ...I do my best .It was not rocket science, members of the press broke the law , OK , we have in place a system to report a crime ,that was done , we have in place an organisation who's job it is to investigate a reported crime, that was not done , oh i know a couple of people went to jail . The Metropolitan police is now complaining that the service is at an all time low and can we all remember how great they are  and they are not bent, racist and in the pocket of any body with a brown envelope ,free holiday or a nice little earner on retirement .So what is going to be the overall outcome ,nothing , the police will investigate themselves , The Crime prosecution service won't prosecute any of them on the grounds that it is not in the public interest , The press will be threatened with a legal code of practice and our politicians will breath a collective sigh of relief ,Unless their is some news paper out there powerful enough to not give a fuck , which is why i miss cross dressing vicars.         

Twitter / Home

Twitter / Home It's finally stopped raining

Dead pigs and chocolate éclairs .

It seems a little shallow to write on the joys of a well made chocolate éclair , the news is full of murder mayhem starvation political chicanery poverty and on and on , so , to be honest an éclair and a small scotch to me is personal evidence that there are some things made by artisans that can still give joy to the jaded .So thank you Sabrina and your talented husband for the best éclairs in Brittany , stuffed as they are with chocolate cream and glistening with glazed chocolate icing .The local news at the moment is concentrated on the bizarre story of a number of dead pigs found on a local beach ,Alice isn't the only one who took the odd trip to wonderland .Anyone following the Libya saga ? Years ago we all had a good laugh at Gaddafi's line of death every time some one crossed it he just moved it back , what we have now is the reverse , he keeps crossing the line and we keep moving back , eventually our demands will include the whiskey and éclair franchise and the odd pig roast on the beach .

When is a nutter not a nutter ?

You would have to be made of stone not to feel a great deal of sadness at the murder of so many people in such a horrific way in Norway . A terrorist ? , a right wing fascist bent on ridding Europe of a muslin invasion ? , if you listen to the various news pundits you would be hard put not to believe that we are under constant attack from one group or another . The truth is this is just another sick bastard in a world of sick bastards , a man who at sometime has been rejected or scorned , his reasons for the mayhem are somewhere deep inside him , we may never know . Of course he is not the only sick bastard at work , the Somalian Warlord , Famine , what famine , his right to help murder 12,000.000 starving people is enshrined in the UN charter and honoured by the NGO's who are only there to make sure of ,what i don't know , it's not feeding people , that's for sure

Polar Bears

Sometimes ,in the middle of the night i wake up to the sounds of laughter , my own . Its that joke , you know the one , the little polar bear trying to confirm its existence by asking its immediate family if it really is a polar bear , well i say polar bear , it could be at a stretch a penguin, the hemisphere is not that important , unless of course you are a polar bear or a penguin . Our polar bear may seem a little obsessed, first by asking grandma " am i a polar bear " ,lets just remove any tension by stating here and now that our hero is in fact a polar bear . Grandma , who is a little busy sucking the guts out of a wild salmon , dismisses our little friend out of hand , " of course you are a polar bear you little cretin , if you don't believe me ask your father . Here we are introduced to another character ,the father, who has bucked the trend a little by not abandoning his family in search of his true self accompanied by a younger mate with a cuter ass , but in saying that he's not much help , not wishing to contradict his mother in law thereby incurring the wrath of his wife he just toes the line " of course you're a polar bear numb nuts , anyway your mother is the font of all wisdom just ask her. " Now we get to the crux of our story , the relationship between a mother and her sibling , why then didn't our little hero go straight to its mother , fear , if you mother doesn't know the answer to your question then you really are fucked ,anyway if you are a little polar bear and you are cold , only your mother will know where you left your sweater .

Amy

I can't think of a more tragic death in an industry that takes a high percentage of it's heroes through drink and drugs . Maybe the arts takes to much of the person, after all it's competitive in a way that no other human endeavour tolerates , the difference between success and failure is often intangible .Amy of course had talent in spades ,but was it enough for a public that craves celebrities and a media that can create and destroy in a heartbeat ,lets face it , you are not famous until the media says you are .Amy of course was not very pretty , couldn't shake her ass on stage and kept control of her music ,Simon Cowell must of been furious . So , Amy , were you famous for your music ? or your lifestyle ?,one will live on the other killed you